Bacon And Time Travel

"I bet if you put bits of bacon on a strip of bacon, you could travel back in time. It's like a tasty vortex." - Jim Gaffigan

If you could travel back in time, where would you travel to? Would it be someplace in the United States? Europe? Atlantis? Hawaii - Aloha! Would you go back to the Age of Dinosaurs, or to when Noah cruised ocean currents?

How about back to the Roaring Twenties? You could show the Flapper girls how to twerk, and they could dote on your futuristic charms.

When, where, who, what, why. Would the Time Machine be like your personal vehicle filled with munchies, a stashed pipe, a flask in the glove, and pillows in the trunk? Would you time travel to avoid the police for your illicit activities? Would you wanna meet James Dean and Marilyn Monroe?

Marilyn and James, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

All this time travel shiz must be makin' you exhausted. And hhhhhaaaaahhhhnnnnngrrrrryyyyyy.

We now leave you with Kevin Bacon.

"I even like the name Bacon. You can't tell me the success of Kevin Bacon isn't somehow tied to his name. You're not going out to see a Kevin Hot Dog movie. "Who's in this movie?""Kevin Bacon." "Sounds good." - Jim Gaffigan

Happy travels. 

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Dawn Of The Planet Of The Hungry . . . And Apes

Apes that eat grapes and capes on napes, say what? Err, whatever, never mind. But hey, when you arrive home after a splendid time of watching Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes, an anticipated sequel to Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes, we know what must be on your sprouting mind:

You were too busy getting your movie on, we get that. Seriously though, don't go ape shit there, sitting idly on your arse on your live-in sofa, contemplating life's pressing dilemmas, like what filter best enhances the highlight on the picture of food that you neglected to Insta. Kodak moments like these slip through the camera roll drenched in thousands of low-quality photos. Did you ever think, muses Jim Gaffigan, that years ago - before the dawn of Instagram and The Art Of Taking A Foody-Licious Picture Just So - that we would have ever dreamed to be taking artsy photos of our food?

At least we still have the trusty ol' use of the English language to fall back on. Mantras of ABCs and Do-Re-Mis conjure images of The Jackson Five, Kindergarten and The Sound of Music. Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxy and z. I'll buy a vowel please, with a side of $100,000 and curly fries. Hold the salt. But still, says a voice, "a picture is worth a thousand words." It does give us pleasure to share our food. Give me pleasure or give me death. Sharing is caring, after all, my dear fellow, well-mannered American. Only nowadays, we can share in a ka-jillion different ways. Share food at home with friends and bros. On Facebook. On Google. Etcetera, etcetera. Food makes us happy. Food is like art but without the price tag of a Van Gogh or Mona Lisa.

Maybe it's like a tightrope balancing act, in balancing the ideal amount of times to share a specific photo of a specific thing, food or otherwise. Like mad scientist type of stuff. It's the fine line between decisively screaming JENGA! and a deteriorating tower of blocks. But we digress. Back to the "Subject At Hand."

Friends That Eat Together, Stay Together

Please don't goooooo. If I wake up tomorrow, will you still be here? I don't knoooooooow if you feel the way I do. If you leave I'm gon' find you. Baby, please don't go go. Go go.

Combining Photoshop, Sci-Fi and CGI, and the English language, at your service. *nonchalantly bows* One thing movie developers and screenwriters and apes and James Franco all have in common? The need for nourishment. The pleasure of food - tasty food, delicious food, food in all shapes and sizes and containers and textures. What say you? Go catch a movie, down some popcorn, and go home to relax on your sofa. And until your next stomach grumbling, Adieu. 

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